hungry hungry hypocrite

TAYLOR SWIFT - White Horse (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)

Day six; Your Beliefs.

I believe in laughter, the kind that makes your tummy hurt. I believe in smiling at everyone, no matter who it is. I believe in friends, the ones who make you feel invincible. I believe in hoping, hoping that person still hopes for you. I believe in a good joke, and secret hand shakes.I believe in happy feet and cheetah footy pajamas. I believe in chalk drawings and four square. I believe in youth.
In feeling young, and feeling like the world belongs to you. I believe in driving around North Attleboro windows down, music blaring with the people who make me happy. I believe in fast food and a taco bell party pack. I Believe in new friends, and letting go of old memories to make room for new ones. I believe in love, the reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff. I believe in a cuddling, and having someone to hold your hand. I believe in spinning, spinning so fast and letting the world become blurry. I believe in books, books that make you forget about it all. I believe in moving slowly, in taking baby steps to find the right person. I believe in soul mates. I believe in being ticklish. I believe in waiting. In waiting around for the person you're meant to be with. I believe in family, and unconditional affection no matter what you did. I believe in forgiving, even if it means not forgetting. I believe in trust, and i believe in always and forever. I believe in coloring books and betty crocker cake mix. I believe in letters, and birthday cards. I believe in quotes, quotes that make you feel like you aren't alone, that someone, somewhere felt the way you did at one time. But most of all, i believe in being happy. In forgetting the past, accepting the present, and waiting for the future. This i believe.

Day Five; A Moment

" Be thankful for this moment. This moment is your life."

A moment is a short period of time in which a thousand little things can happen. In a single moment, you can answer a phone call, recieve a text, or start a fight. In one moment, one small piece of time, your entire life can change. When i think about moments, i think about time, i think about how a moment is the smallest piece of time in the big scheme of things, and yet, these moments, these seconds spent right before you fall asleep, right before the car crashed, right before that phone was answered, are the moments that will have impacted your life the most. Carpe Diem. seize the day, seize the moment. Because if you don't take your life, and grab it by the reigns, you'll regret it. Look at where you were, where you are now, and where you want to be, and take control. These little moments are the small pieces of the puzzle that write your story for you, and as for mine, im still writing it.

Day Four; Your Definition of Love

I believe that love is fearless. I believe that love means trust, that love means putting every inch of your heart into another persons hands knowing that at any moment they could smash it into a million pieces. I believe that love is trusting someone to keep you safe, and keep you happy, and for you to be willing to protect them in return. Love is taking a chance on someone, on something, on some small glimmer of hope that this might be everything you hoped it would be. Love is hope, love is guessing, love is believing that everything will turn out the way its supposed to be. I believe that love is doodling his name on your paper over and over again all throughout class, thinking about, dreaming about, hoping to see them. I believe in butterflies in your tummy, and the nauseous feeling you get before jumping into his arms. I believe love is kisses on the nose, and then the forehead. I believe that love is a smile that can light the whole room. I believe that love is breathlessness. Love is waiting for the person you know most likely wont ever come back to where you know he belongs. I believe in build a bears with two hearts inside. I believe in young love. I believe that love is passion, love is caring so intensely, so deeply, about someone else that it is unbearable to think about life without them. I believe in sending letters, lots of letters, in illegible handwriting. I believe love is waiting. I believe love is feeling like a piece is missing when you're without them. I believe in love songs. Love is missing someone. I believe that love is letting go, of every word, every promise, every kiss. Love is caring enough to let the other person be happy, even if it means they are happy without you. I believe that love is letting them walk away, even though you know that you wont ever get to hold them again. I believe that love is tears. Love is heartbreak. I believe in always and forever, even though ive learned love isn't. I believe that love is fearless.
 

day 3; your best friends

When you really think about it, you come into this world alone, and you leave it alone, But the people that you choose to spend all the time in between with, those are your best friends. These few people know you, inside and out, they can tell if your upset by the look on your face and can make you smile with a single word. These are the people that you know that if they weren't there, you wouldn't be the same. You wouldn't have smiled as much, laughed as hard, and lived as fully as you did with them right there next to you to share every minute. Each one of you have impacted my life in a way that words cannot even begin to describe, you have each made me laugh, smile, and have been there for me through the times when getting out of bed seemed as if it wasn't an option, i cant even begin to express how lucky i am to have these few people, these people that, no matter what, have showed me that i have something to smile about, something to be proud of, and that i have the ability to be whoever i want to be. I love you all so much. Thank you for everything.

retrying what i attempted and failed at..

• day 03- your best friends
• day 04- your definition of love.
• day 05-a moment
• day 06- your beliefs
• day 07- .your siblings.
• day 08 – something you regret.
• day 09 – something that upsets you.
• day 10 – something that makes you cry

ta ta ta to the top of the world

Everything looks beautiful,

From the top of the world.

 

"I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there. I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment."
- Andy Warhol 

 "No one's ever burned you, nothings ever left you scarred, and even though you want to, just try to never grow up."

"You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you."
— Peter Pan

I wish you knew.

I wish you knew how much better i was doing, how each day i think about you less and less, and how that year we had together is starting to become more and more distant to me. I wish you knew that im scarred by you. That it is so hard for me to find someone else because i'm constantly comparing them to you;your smile your humor your laugh. I wish you knew that i can never be the person i was 2 years ago, i can never genuinely feel whole anymore because of you. And how much it hurts me that half the planet thinks im an idiot. because of you. I also wish you knew that im stronger from you, every punch you've thrown my way, every word, every week of silence. I have learned to accept nothing but the best for me because of you, and to never underestimate myself. I have learned from you that i will never be the same again, but have learned to accept that nobody ever will be. I wish you knew that you are always going to be my first love, and even though that may be insignificant now, its always going to be a fact. I wish you knew how much pain you put me through. I wish you knew how much i want to be your friend, and also that i don't know why. But most importantly, I wish you knew that i don't want to be with you, ever again. And yet..i still miss everything about you.

I've always felt as though whenever something bad happened to me, in order to deal with it, i would just push it aside and leave it tucked away somewhere. I've always held it in. Told myself to worry about other people's issues instead of my own, to never give myself the chance to fall apart, because once it happens, it becomes a tendency, and it will happen over and over again. I told myself to practice being strong instead. So i guess what I'm trying to say is that i was wrong. We as people always do this, we hate to feel helpless, and to feel like our lives are going downhill, so instead of wallowing in self pity we put the problems in the back of our minds and plaster the fake smile on our faces. But once in a while, i think we all need that breaking point, that point where we realize that those things aren't ever going to be what we hoped they'd be. Not ever. For anybody. And thats okay. Its fine to spend a night in your room with the sad music blasting.  In fact, its healthy for you. Healthy to let all the compiled feelings, and stress and loneliness just leave your body.I feel hypocritical telling you this, because it's hard for me. I'm rarely the girl who cries. I drown myself in the problems of other people to make mine seem nominal, or nonexistent. And i guess i try to make my life feel like its full, and that if i can help other people instead of myself, i must be doing great. But i'm not doing great. Im breaking more and more everyday. So for anyone who takes all of their anger, their sadness and whatever emotions they might be feeling and pushes them into the back of their minds, let it out. It feels better than you think.

- I Go By Alli @ 8:34 pm

day two; your first love

 

"I love you," he whispers. She replied through the tears, "But you don't wanna keep me, do you?"

My first love was Jimmy Eblan. Most of the planet already knows that. I dont regret a minute spent with him, and hopefully i never do.I have made too many mistakes to ever have anything close to a friendship with him again, and i guess im going to have to cope with that. For right now i still consider him the best thing that has ever happened to me, and to him, its most likely a completely different story.

Day one; Introduce yourself

Hi, my name is Allison Blythe D'Amico. The apostrophe in my name is useless. I love board games, rollerblading and chalk. I act like a little kid and spend my weekends goofing around with my friends instead of getting shitfaced.  I'm terrified of the dark, and who is hiding behind my shower curtain, and dont like to be alone. I like acoustic music and techno stuff i can put on full blast in the car. I wish i could make facial expressions like Nicki Minaj, and have a terrible voice.  I love being with my best friends and driving around in a car full of kids, windows down, music blasting around a town too small for me. I'm sarcastic, and like to make people laugh, i laugh more than i cry, and hopefully that stays that way. This is starting to sound a lot like myspace.

You gradually get over the pain. It doesn’t go away, not for a long time, but it becomes easier to live with. One morning you wake up and he’s not the first thing on your mind. And then a few months down the line you realize you’ve made it through half the day without thinking of him. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but eventually you reach a point when you only think about them occasionally. You manage to do this because you don’t see them, you don’t hear about them, you try not to think about them. And then you bump into them walking down the street, or someone unexpected mentions their name…and the memories come flooding back. But memories also become less painful in time, and I can talk about him now without really feeling anything.

day two; nine things about yourself

1. I have really bad anxiety, and you wouldn't ever know it.
2. I hate mind games. I'm usually very straight forward and to the point, which is sometimes good, and sometimes bad.
3. I would much rather drown myself in other people's issues instead of getting caught up in my own. Which is why i love being there for anyone who needs me.
4. I'm a weird kid. I say things that don't make sense, and i always talk about things that usually wouldn't be brought up in conversation.. ever. I always have a crazy "what if.." up my sleeve, and i promise i can make you laugh.
5. I'm really easy to talk to! I love to listen to what people have to say. I've had so many hour upon hour conversations with people I've never talked to before, just because i love to talk to new and exciting people.
6. I'm definitely one of those people who will trust everyone, even if my common sense tells me it's a stupid idea. I feel as if i can confide in everybody i talk to, and most of the time that turns out to be a bad decision on my part.
7. I'm really naive. I believe almost everything i hear.
8. I'm the girl who's favorite thing to do is lay on her bedroom floor in pajamas and listen to music on full blast. It's almost like the world just stops and all the stress and the drama just disappears. Music is my sanity.
9. I  usually have a smile on my face. I try not to bring attention upon myself by being pissed off or sad in public. I'm more concerned with making other people's days then worrying about my own.. even if it isn't one of the best.

" Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us and the ones we don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy. Maybe.. it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just...moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this; knowing that after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope."

-He's Just not That Into you

day one; 10 things to 10 people

1. I hate that i embarrassed myself for so many months when i should of never said a word to you.
2. I'm really hoping you arent too out of my league, because i really like you
3. I'm sorry i lose my temper at you, i really do love you so much and appreciate everything you do for me.
4. I feel bad that you have to be so lonely all the time.
5. I dont want you to make stupid decisions. I know it's how you cope with everything thats happened, but you're really starting to worry me.
6. I'm sorry for ruining our friendship and hurting you so much without even really realizing it.
7. I wish i could've spent one last day with you, and that i didnt cry when you passed.
8. I hate that we're so mean to eachother, i wish we had one of those really close bonds like other sisters do.
9. I wish i could like you the way you like me, but i just cant get myself to.
10. Why dont you ever make an effort to see me anymore? It hurts more than you even realize.

Understand that you are not condemned to being stuck in your past. Sure, that's part of you, and maybe it even helps define you and inspire you. But it's entirely up to you whether your past acts as an anchor or a launch pad. So what are you waiting for? Fly.

hello hello, i dont know why you say goodbye i say hello

"My feelings just changed. I had been waiting for you to realize you couldn't go another day without me. I had played out every excuse you could have had for putting all that time between us. Missing you had become second nature to me. And somewhere in the last few months, when i never got that phone call, and you never showed up at my window, and we never ran into each other, i just stopped feeling like i needed you so much."

The Secret

So im reading this book called " The Secret", by  Paul Harrington, And basically it tells you that the world is pretty much controlled by thought or the Law of attraction;whatever you think about, you attract "like attracts like" i guess you could say. And i read a chapter on the secret to relationships and thought id post it here because its actually pretty cool.

" Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us want the love and respect from everyone around us. It's all about that tribal vibe, that feelings of fitting in, of belonging, of being loved. But for many people, reality strikes and life doesnt always play out the way we might have hoped.

Have you ever felt misunderstood and alone?

And are there moments when you say to yourself "why doesn't anyone get me?"

And does it get sometimes seem like your parents have no clue what problems you're dealing with?

And does it get to the point where you think you could just bail out and no-one would notice?

Sadly, many people feel that way. Maybe you do right now, or you have in the past.

But now that you know THE SECRET, you can totally flip the script, tapping the law of attraction to attract new and more exciting relationships. And you can also heal and rebuild existing relationships- even the ones that have blown apart or drifted away. Truth is, your relationships either work or they don't work because of the major reason; the thoughts you hold in your head. 


When we're feelings disrespected, unloved, and miserable, its normally a one-way ticket to lonely street. I mean, who likes to be around anyone who's miserable? You'd think no one, right? Wrong! Other miserable people do.. because misery loves company. 


Remember, the law of attraction is always working. So when we feel sorry for ourselves, we attract other downers who feel sorry for themselves. People who whine about stuff love nothing more than finding others to have a pity party with. 


You have to get out of these situations as quickly as possible because you can never change anything by complaining. In fact, you simply get more of the stuff that you're complaining about!

So the first step is to change your tune- quit the drama and stop spreading your own misery. As for your pity-party pals; they're not helping you and you cant help them. Well, not unless you're a qualified emo-therapist.

You're the only one who can heal your own issues with self-esteem. Shift your focus to feeling good within yourself, and you'll naturally attract positive people and positive relationships into your life. And you'll also be well on the way to attracting the love and respect you're craving. It makes perfect sense to think about- to find love you have to be love. You've got to feel it within yourself before others feel it for you.

Self-confidence is just filling yourself up with love and feeling good about you. Want proof? Check it out...

You may have noticed that at every party, gathering, or social situation you're in, that the most confident guy in the room is surrounded by girls and guys the minute he walks in the door. Why is that? It's because he projects himself. He's having fun, and, most important, he's fun to be around. So he attracts a crowd- Its magnetic.

But how did this guy get so confident? Well, no doubt he would have started with just one good thought about himself, and it grew from there. As for all guys and girls surrounding him, they're all attracted by his confidence, charisma, and self-respect. Don't you see, they love him because he loves him.

And this is one of the biggest secrets of the lot. Most people think happiness and being cool comes from the love and respect of others. They seek out love and respect of others. They seek out love and respect to make themselves happy and to feel cool. But that's backward. You make yourself  happy, and that attracts love and respect. Look for the positives inside you and focus on those things with appreciation, and then radiate that vibe. Then step back and feel the love."

The rest is still unwritten

Memories; they are things you loved, things you keep close in your heart because you don't ever want to forget them; Or maybe it isn't that you don't want to forget them, its that you don't want them to forget you. All of us are scared of the future, scared of growing up and failing at our lives. Scared of being forgotten. And that's why we look back, we remember moments when we were happy, when we felt whole. And to a point, it makes us feel like if things were okay then, they can be okay now, or be okay someday. But why should something that already happened make you so miserable today? We, as people hold onto the past, and why shouldnt we? The past lets us know that at one point in our lives, we were happy, and i think that eventually as the past gets farther and farther away, the more we try to hold onto it, the more we try and make the past the present. Your memory is a weird thing, it lets you go back in time almost, whenever you close your eyes, your mind easily lets you replay every word, every sound, every second. And sure, that's a good thing to some, but to others, it brings back times that quite frankly, you would love to have completely washed from your existence. And that's where flashbacks come into play, and nightmares and anxiety. Because as much as you try to forget your past; there it is, laughing it up that you cant get it to go away. But i think that as much as sometimes you want to just forget a person, or a moment in time, its good that its still there somewhere, because as much as you wish you hadn't done this or done that, when it all comes down to it, if you didn't have your past, what would you have to learn from to be where you are today? "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." And after all, the rest is still Unwritten.

.

- I go by Alli

Lexi Hayes speaks

Hi everyone; Alli here, I've reserved some space here for one of my good friends Lexi Hayes to post what shes been wanting to clarify for a while now; it takes a lot to post something like this so lets give her the respect she deserves.

Hey guys! Im trying to take a step. Everyone asks me all the time "What happened to me?" "Where were you this year?" "What is going on in your life?"

SO. I don't reallly know if this is a great idea or not..but I'm going to share some of the REAL story. None of these made up little rumors that got around. I told a few people..who told more people. Shocker right? I was kinda stupid.

Anyway, here it is.

          My life was so good. I loved horses and singing. I had average grades. I was a little naive 6th grader. Everything was PERFECT. Till one night in like november of my 6th grade year..my life was turned upside down, inside out and crumbled. I was abused. Sexually. By my older cousin. He was my bestfriend. I thought he always had my back. Little did I know he was just setting me up so he could take advantage of me. Well this whole abuse thing..went on for a full 10 months about. I kept it a secret. I had too. Can you imagine telling your parents somthing like that? Specially cause it was a family member. Well.. during that year of secrets. He probably did shit to me..8 times. Which is a lot. Everything was a disaster. I had a fake smile, fake laugh, fake appetite. I was F A K E. Nobody knew. My grades were dropping, my appetite was gone, my "lets hang out every minute of every day" attitude was gone. I cried myself to sleep every night. I was so un happy. I blamed myself for the whole thing. I thought i was absolutely disgusting. It was so bad.

I finally told. It was so crazy. All of the sudden..I never ever ever had to see him again. BUT I had appointments with detectives,police,therapists,doctors. Stuff was just hectic. I was very uncomfortable. Things in my life were not what a 12 year old should have to deal with. I had to grow up so fast.

With abuse and trauma comes flashbacks,nightmares,depression,PTSD,self esteem issues,trust issues,self value issues and so much more. I had all of those. And they DONT.GO.AWAY. Sometimes..you'll have weeks when you are fine. Others, it's alll back to where you started. I made really stupid mistakes to make myself feel better. I ruined my body. I thought about ending it daily. My life was a never ending rollercoaster. Not good when you are entering highschool.

      SOOO. To answeer everyone's questions..This year I was working on me,myself,and I. Without some of the hassle of daily freshman life. And i am slowly getting better. There is alot of bad days. But if you really knew me..You would see I have changed so much. Im finally accepting what happened and moving on.

I want to enter my second freshman year (yes, I am staying back) as a new person. Lexi Hayes. Not a depressed, victim. I am okay. This is me. This is my life. I have scars but no open wounds. I am moving on.

This all is just part of my S T O R Y.

AND GUYS. This really, honestly is NO way to get attention. This is to close up everything. This is my new start. Closure is all i want.

I will answer any questions you want too message me,k? kay.

K. Bye.

-Lex

if you really knew me

i just watched the new series " if you really knew me" on Mtv and im honestly a different person, watch it! tuesdays @ 11!

give it up

Sometimes it hurts to walk away
To give up something that means so much
But sometimes walking away is what
You have to do to get back to
The happiest you used to have

In this world,you are told everyday to keep going, to try harder, to do better, run faster, finish this, perfect that. Its a never ending cycle of doing what we are bred not to do; give-up. Since you were little you were always told to fight for what you believe in. Because if you give-up, you'll lose it. But what if what you're fighting to keep is already long gone? Is there a point in fighting and fighting and fighting for something that isn't going to come back? or should you just let go of everything you believe in and throw in the towel.During the course of 7 months, i have been fighting for what i feel in my heart is whats meant to be. And thats what i'm supposed to do right? Im told over and over again that no matter what i do, never give-up on something, someone, you can't go a day without thinking about. But what if, in order to get better, in order to heal, You need to walk away, what if you have to just wing it and see what happens. What if for once in your life, in order to make your life better, you need to stop trying altogether.

Now i know it sounds ludacris, but making yourself feel like an idiot each and everyday by keeping at something until your insides hurt, until every bone in your body is done. until all your emotions just build and build and build and bubble over; its stupid. Now answer me this, What does that do for you? Because personally, if you're working at something with all your might, and no matter how hard you try, how hard you cry, you dont get what you were looking for. Wouldnt it just be easier to just stop. Because sometimes if you walk away from something. Or if you let it be for a little while, eventually it might come back. Im not promising it will. Because even i dont have the strength to do it, because im scared; scared that if i stop trying, every memory, everything i worked for, everything i built will be forgotten. But i think for once in my life, for once in 7 months, im going to finally do what i promised myself, promised my friends, promised him i wouldnt ever do. Im going to give-up, and hey, maybe its stupid, but a lot of things are, we'll just wait and see, wont we?

- I go by Alli
10:50 pm

Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but
it's very important that you do it because nobody else will. Like
when someone comes into your life and half of you says: "You're
nowhere near ready". And the other half says: "Make her yours forever".
-- Remember Me.

- I go by Alli

I'm sorry but I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep letting you
think that it's alright for you to waltz in and out of my life when it's
convenient for you. It's just not right, and it hurts so much. It's like
this never-ending cycle. You brush me off, make me feel like such
a fool for caring. And then you come right back and well.. I welcome
you with open arms. And I'm so sick of this continuous hurting and the
fact that you keep getting whatever it is that you want while I'm stuck
here in a place I don't want to be. Trying to hold it in but losing it and
finding myself a crying mess in front of the people I care most about.
It's pathetic. I only ever had half of you, less even, so I guess I'll cope.

- I go by Alli

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for
someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them
and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely, being alone, for many people, sucks. I get it, I get it,
I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with
somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person
you are is worse. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing
someone difficult to share it with. You deserve to be with someone
who is nice to you all the time.

- I go by Alli

rawr

I normally get over people really easily, like if i dont see them for a while, but him.. i havent seen in in over 3 months and my feelings just keep getting stronger. that has to mean something, right?

and i'll applaud you as you fall

if the slipper fits

And they lived happily ever after.the most overused words in our childhood story books, ironic isn't it how when your growing up, that happy ending always seems so far away. Those cookie cutter lives like Cinderella and Snow White, that mom used to read to you every night before bed, implanting that idea-that image, that every thing you do, every move you make will end up with a perfect ending, but outside of Cinderella's castle, things don't work that way. There are so many moments in our lives, billions and billions of them, and yet,most of us, if not all seem to have outlined the bad ones with a big highlighter. Our ability to remember is unbelievable, the way you can take a fact, a place, a person and put it into your head forever, now that is something remarkable. Our memories though,are put to use for a number of things, but i think that usually people seem to remember bad things more than good things. When you remember someone from your past who isn't there anymore, whats the very first thing that comes to your mind? not the thousands of good times you had together, the laughs and the smiles, but rather "what went wrong?" what horrible life altering thing could have driven you apart? That is whats wrong. I personally find it much simpler to think about, write about, talk about the bad things in my life, the times when im upset,or times when i was personally mortified, we laugh about embarrassing moments, and joke about how nerdy we were as kids, but how often does something like how nice and generous we were when we were little come up in a conversation between friends. We find humor in our bad moments rather than just talking about good ones instead. And i think personally that everyone finds it easier to remember one really bad thing about someone instead of all the millions of great little things about them. Like how fat he was, or how many rumors she spread, instead of remembering how great he was at making me smile or how funny she was. Its all about those moments where we had downfalls or made a mistake, its usually not the all the good things that happened that make the difference, its the one bad thing that changed everything. What do you think gossip is? People dont care what a good person someone is, they care about who got drunk last weekend or who slept with whats his face. I guess what im trying to say is that the world should just have a major wake up call and become real for a change. Stop listening to all the stupid pointless bad stuff about someone and focus on something good about them. Personally, im sick of writing about how much my life sucks. and it pisses me off that, that is all i can write about. So for now, ill have some good memories and remember those instead.

-Alli

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong, I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

a·lone

(adj) Being without anyone or anything else; only.

Synonyms: alone, lonely, lonesome, solitary

These adjectives describe lack of companionship. Alone emphasizes being apart from others and on occasion, implies unhappiness.

(AC is Alaina Corsini, AD is Alli D'amico)

AC: I think there are a lot of pains in this world. You get hurt all the time, physically and emotionally. Most pain comes from other people. A boy breaks your heart, or a friend breaks your trust. But then there comes a point when you realize, that after a while, it’s not anyone else hurting you. It’s yourself.

AD: Loneliness is that point in your life when you realize that no matter what you do, or how hard you cry, you’re in this by yourself. That knight in shining armor is no longer there to sweep you off your feet and save you from yourself. Being alone, isn't lacking friends, or people to lean on, its that moment when you realize that no amount of shoulders to cry on can help you. It that second when you think to yourself. nobody understands me.

AC: At some point in our lives, someone leaves us. Someone leaves us who we never thought would leave. There’s that one person that you put all your trust in leaves. It’s like they’re your everything, so when your gone you have nothing. Your lonely. Your alone. The feeling stays there too, it doesn’t just go away. Every day theres a little feeling there. Or an object, or something that reminds you that the person is gone. That your by yourself, your alone.

AD: People come in and out of our lives every single day. But occasionally, someone walks into your life.. and they stay there. Your life not only revolves around you now, suddenly your life is meshing with someone else's, becoming one. Love does that. But you know what else love does? Love destroys you. It destroys who you used to be. And it crushes your dreams. You become so fixated on this one person, this “love of your life” that you convince yourself that hey, maybe he's the one. And when the moment comes when you have to come to the realization that “the one” is gone, your body gives up, it decides that without this other person it is impossible that you should ever even bother looking for someone else. And that for the rest of you life, you are going to be what you are right now; alone.

AC: I think i have trust issues, honestly. I’m pretty sure every person that I put trust in has left me. I have every reason to believe that I’m alone. And I have every right to feel it too. I get too dependent on people. I don’t depend on myself. So when they leave, theres nothing holding me together anymore. Without the person who kept you all together, you fall apart. It feels like its just you, no one wants you, and no one cares. That if you were to just disappear, no one would notice. Your alone.

AD: I can convince myself all i want that i have so many friends and so many people that are there for me, but the one thing i cant convince myself is that i will ever be as close to as happy as i was with him with someone else. And thats whats cuts the deepest. The fact that even if i have someone else, i will still have that empty space where he used to fit perfectly.

AC: I let someone in, and that person was there for a while. And in a second, gone. It was like the past was gone, erased like it didn’t even happen. That person brought me so much happiness, so without it, what? Sadness? Or just nothing. No feeling coming in. Loneliness. Someone who was there for so long, how could they just get up and leave? How could they leave and never come back. How could someone who cared about me so much, just not care at all. I felt so alone, for so long.

We can both promise you one thing though. You will prevail. Prevail over the feeling of loneliness. Someday that feeling will go away. And someday, that feeling of loneliness will be filled with the feeling of love again. And it takes awhile. We both know how much it sucks, and how long it takes. But that feeling does go away. When you start to believe yourself, only you can take the loneliness away. And it will happen someday. You just have to make your belief create the fact.

-Alaina Corsini and Alli D’amico write.

its been a while!

And just like that, we must carry on.
- Victoria Bergevine

So, it's been a couple months since I've actually written here. I guess its just because i didn't really know what to write about. But i guess tonight; i do.

I've come to realize that ive been trapped. Since January, i have waited and waited till the time came that i could finally walk away. hands down. just say goodbye and head for the door, no strings attached. And for the weeks i stayed awake and thought about how i should just do it already, i also came to realize, its not that simple.
Life; its short. Most of us walk around this place taking advantage of the fact that well.. we're only here for so long. And personally, ive been doing that for a little bit too long. I never really came to terms with the fact that he wasn't coming back. i never really thought about what would happen if we ever got back together. And the other night, i actually did. and i realized. it would never be the same again. given the fact that, sure we were in love. and 6 months ago i wouldve given up everything i had for him. but you know what i also realized? the past is the past. I never really let go of it, and that was my problem. i was living my life envious of who i was back then, and now.. sadly, 5 months later, im finally realizing it. So the whole moving on step.. yeah im not going to sugarcoat it, its hard. But we all need to just get over that barricade called the past and walk on. Walk away from what you thought someone was, and the promises they broke. walk past the memories and the old cards and clothes, just let yourself be free of the Because in all honesty, it isnt ever going to be what it was, and for those of us who wish it was, we need to snap back into reality. Realize that things will eventually be o.k and those people are in the past for a reason; to make you stronger! and to make you who you are right.now. and because of those people, who walk into your life and change you. be thankful for them. Because in reality, when you look at the big picture, they are really only a tiny piece of the puzzle. And sooner or later, everything will fit together perfectly.

"learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter."

I'm done.

For Michaela


"I'm just thinking about everything. I'm letting myself get swallowed in this sea of the memory of what i thought he was. and I'm drowning in all this self inflicted depression and its about time i learn to swim."
- Michaela Bacon.

So lets face it. Lets come to terms with the fact that we all miss the past. There are those nights we spend curled up in a ball staring at an old picture, a letter, a text message. A reminder of what used to be, something that constantly tells you what an idiot you are for letting it go. Memories sit on your shoulder, they prevent you from doing the things you love. They keep you from going out there and actually moving on. You're so fixated on the past that you cant let go and make room for the future. Everyone wants to go on living like things never happened, but there is always going to be that time when you're cleaning out your closet, or your room,and you come across a box, a box full of your past. Things you put away to forget, to let go of. But here it is, that stupid reminder. that voice in your head screaming at you, calling you an idiot, because here you are, alone. And you sit there, and you question everything. You wonder whether or not you're actually over it, or whether you should have have tried that much harder.

Yeah i know, it is so hard. I cant even do it, but i know that i need to find that strength, i know i have it in me somewhere, that strength to pick up everything and let him go. I should, and i know i will be better off. I have my life ahead of me, and i know that staying here trying and recieving nothing in return isn't getting me anywhere. And look at me, sitting here writing another blog revolving around that one thing that i know better than anything else, him. And believe me, i hate it. To realize that they dont care anymore, and you're here throwing yourself at them, and you get nothing, they say they are sorry, but its over. and you tell yourself, this is the final time im going to make an embarrasment of myself and i'm going to leave. But there you go again, staring at the phone, resisting the temptation all over again.

But I've come to the realization, that in order to be really genuinely happy, you need to realize that there is more to life than this, than this small town, and the small town boy that make makes you happy for a year of your life and then leaves. Things are going to get better, and missing the past, its good for you. Looking back on things helps you realize that where you are now is a whole hell of a lot better than where you were then. In order to live your life to the fullest, you need to move on. It better than to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all. The past is always going to be there, you cant stop it. But you can look back at your past and realize, it was great, but whats coming is going to be that much better.

-Alli

lalala

forgive your friends.
laugh really loud.
don't give up on someone you cant go a day without thinking about.
strive to do your best.
make someone smile.
write a poem
go on a run
think about life from a new perspective
dont waste a minute, youve only got so much time
dont let anyones opinions change what you plan to do with your life.
what other people think about you, its none of your business
be inspired
be who you are, not what you're expected to be.

so im just thinking out loud tonight?

So its another boring day..
Same people, same town. An unchanging wasteland. Hallways full of people talking, but of nothing with meaning, nothing of depth. Its just noise. Why are we here? How do we find a way to give our lives meaning? And how do we make our lives amount to something? People tell me everyday i'm here for a reason, But how do you find what that reason is. I just wait. I'm not even sure what i'm waiting for. Mom tells me "patience is a virtue" But sometimes waiting for an answer to something you know isn't going to come is just a waste of time. Words of inspiration come into my life everyday, and yet i still have no idea how to initiate the first move, how to make my life better for myself, and for other people around me. Why is the world such a hateful place? All the words that we say,and the words that we mean, are all mixed into one big jumble of nothing. We're all misunderstood people waiting to reach our time to shine. When will it come? we'll just have to wait and see.

Lean on me, when you're not strong, ill be your friend, ill help you carry on.

confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness, your willingness to wrestle your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.

The hardest thing to do everyday when you get out of bed is to convince yourself you have the strength to carry on. You're a kid, with the weight of the world on your shoulders, everyday you battle with heartbreak, anger, sadness, stress, school work, sports, boys, girls, hate, and love. We overwhelm ourselves thinking about the world in bulk, we overlook little things that really matter, and most importantly, we underestimate our own strength.

I know that i personally, roll out of bed every morning, get dressed, look at myself in the mirror, and i doubt myself. I doubt that i can ace my tests, that i can make it through the day, that i can succeed in sports. I feel like i don't have enough strength in myself to let me live. As you all know, i've been going through the biggest heartbreak of my life, i feel like i was thrown against a wall and smashed into a million tiny little pieces, and left to find the strength to put myself back together again. I believe that one day, ill be able to find that strength somewhere, but for now, i'm just making it.

"Believe you have the strength" That's what everyone tells me to do. Convince yourself that you are strong, that whatever it is you're going through, whether it be, heartbreak, divorce, a fight, a sport, convince yourself that you possess the strength to get through it, if you convince yourself that you have the strength, you're belief will help you create the fact. Trust me, i know it's hard, and me myself, some days i just want to give up. i want to throw everything i have built up, every last memory, right out the window. i want to stop trying to hard to get something i know i can never have again, but with a little help from my friends, i know that i can do it. Nicole Childers told me last night " I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's going to be hard, and its going to hurt, and its going to take a lot of time, but you can do it, you are strong enough to do it, i believe in you."

People love you, and people believe in you, just like people believe in me. And with that in mind, you can be strong, you have the power inside you to overcome anything. Put your mind to it, its going to be hard, but you are strong! you can do it, and you can get over it. Strength overcomes all.

running from myself

fixated on the past, my soul does stay
i wait for an answer to all my questions
one that will never come to me
hope is what i rely on,
through the long days and sleepless nights
to revive me of my emptiness
and to bring my hapiness back to me
waiting for a miracle,
i sit in silence
for you my love,
it is easy to get by
knowing you are happy is gift to me
i should do the same for myself,
but have found i have forgotten how.
words left unspoken
will never be replaced
the loving arms that once held me safe,
they lay limp at your sides
i hold myself high,
above the despair that holds my heart
i know one day,
this pain will be gone

-Alli

we all fall down

if you give you're life meaning, you'll find that you'll live it a lot happier.
if you think positive, your outlook on life will be a lot better
if you have hope,things will work out like you've always wanted them to
if you fall down, have the strength to get back up again

Life is full of surprises, big ones and little ones, and that's what makes the ride worth while, If you spend your life regretting something you could have changed, or if you stay fixated on one single person, chances are you're going to miss out on some pretty great ones that pass you by. Live your life to the fullest, and make sure that if you're ever sad, and feeling like nothing else could possibly go right, look around. Look around and see that there are so many people that love you, and realize that there are 6 billion people in the world, and even though it didnt work out with one of those 6 billion, there's another out there that will treat you so much better than the first. Don't give up hope. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help you create the fact.

-Alli