"learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter."

I'm done.

For Michaela


"I'm just thinking about everything. I'm letting myself get swallowed in this sea of the memory of what i thought he was. and I'm drowning in all this self inflicted depression and its about time i learn to swim."
- Michaela Bacon.

So lets face it. Lets come to terms with the fact that we all miss the past. There are those nights we spend curled up in a ball staring at an old picture, a letter, a text message. A reminder of what used to be, something that constantly tells you what an idiot you are for letting it go. Memories sit on your shoulder, they prevent you from doing the things you love. They keep you from going out there and actually moving on. You're so fixated on the past that you cant let go and make room for the future. Everyone wants to go on living like things never happened, but there is always going to be that time when you're cleaning out your closet, or your room,and you come across a box, a box full of your past. Things you put away to forget, to let go of. But here it is, that stupid reminder. that voice in your head screaming at you, calling you an idiot, because here you are, alone. And you sit there, and you question everything. You wonder whether or not you're actually over it, or whether you should have have tried that much harder.

Yeah i know, it is so hard. I cant even do it, but i know that i need to find that strength, i know i have it in me somewhere, that strength to pick up everything and let him go. I should, and i know i will be better off. I have my life ahead of me, and i know that staying here trying and recieving nothing in return isn't getting me anywhere. And look at me, sitting here writing another blog revolving around that one thing that i know better than anything else, him. And believe me, i hate it. To realize that they dont care anymore, and you're here throwing yourself at them, and you get nothing, they say they are sorry, but its over. and you tell yourself, this is the final time im going to make an embarrasment of myself and i'm going to leave. But there you go again, staring at the phone, resisting the temptation all over again.

But I've come to the realization, that in order to be really genuinely happy, you need to realize that there is more to life than this, than this small town, and the small town boy that make makes you happy for a year of your life and then leaves. Things are going to get better, and missing the past, its good for you. Looking back on things helps you realize that where you are now is a whole hell of a lot better than where you were then. In order to live your life to the fullest, you need to move on. It better than to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all. The past is always going to be there, you cant stop it. But you can look back at your past and realize, it was great, but whats coming is going to be that much better.

-Alli