Hi everyone; Alli here, I've reserved some space here for one of my good friends Lexi Hayes to post what shes been wanting to clarify for a while now; it takes a lot to post something like this so lets give her the respect she deserves.
Hey guys! Im trying to take a step. Everyone asks me all the time "What happened to me?" "Where were you this year?" "What is going on in your life?"
SO. I don't reallly know if this is a great idea or not..but I'm going to share some of the REAL story. None of these made up little rumors that got around. I told a few people..who told more people. Shocker right? I was kinda stupid.
Anyway, here it is.
My life was so good. I loved horses and singing. I had average grades. I was a little naive 6th grader. Everything was PERFECT. Till one night in like november of my 6th grade year..my life was turned upside down, inside out and crumbled. I was abused. Sexually. By my older cousin. He was my bestfriend. I thought he always had my back. Little did I know he was just setting me up so he could take advantage of me. Well this whole abuse thing..went on for a full 10 months about. I kept it a secret. I had too. Can you imagine telling your parents somthing like that? Specially cause it was a family member. Well.. during that year of secrets. He probably did shit to me..8 times. Which is a lot. Everything was a disaster. I had a fake smile, fake laugh, fake appetite. I was F A K E. Nobody knew. My grades were dropping, my appetite was gone, my "lets hang out every minute of every day" attitude was gone. I cried myself to sleep every night. I was so un happy. I blamed myself for the whole thing. I thought i was absolutely disgusting. It was so bad.
I finally told. It was so crazy. All of the sudden..I never ever ever had to see him again. BUT I had appointments with detectives,police,therapists,doctors. Stuff was just hectic. I was very uncomfortable. Things in my life were not what a 12 year old should have to deal with. I had to grow up so fast.
With abuse and trauma comes flashbacks,nightmares,depression,PTSD,self esteem issues,trust issues,self value issues and so much more. I had all of those. And they DONT.GO.AWAY. Sometimes..you'll have weeks when you are fine. Others, it's alll back to where you started. I made really stupid mistakes to make myself feel better. I ruined my body. I thought about ending it daily. My life was a never ending rollercoaster. Not good when you are entering highschool.
SOOO. To answeer everyone's questions..This year I was working on me,myself,and I. Without some of the hassle of daily freshman life. And i am slowly getting better. There is alot of bad days. But if you really knew me..You would see I have changed so much. Im finally accepting what happened and moving on.
I want to enter my second freshman year (yes, I am staying back) as a new person. Lexi Hayes. Not a depressed, victim. I am okay. This is me. This is my life. I have scars but no open wounds. I am moving on.
This all is just part of my S T O R Y.
AND GUYS. This really, honestly is NO way to get attention. This is to close up everything. This is my new start. Closure is all i want.
I will answer any questions you want too message me,k? kay.
K. Bye.
-Lex
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