I wish you knew.

I wish you knew how much better i was doing, how each day i think about you less and less, and how that year we had together is starting to become more and more distant to me. I wish you knew that im scarred by you. That it is so hard for me to find someone else because i'm constantly comparing them to you;your smile your humor your laugh. I wish you knew that i can never be the person i was 2 years ago, i can never genuinely feel whole anymore because of you. And how much it hurts me that half the planet thinks im an idiot. because of you. I also wish you knew that im stronger from you, every punch you've thrown my way, every word, every week of silence. I have learned to accept nothing but the best for me because of you, and to never underestimate myself. I have learned from you that i will never be the same again, but have learned to accept that nobody ever will be. I wish you knew that you are always going to be my first love, and even though that may be insignificant now, its always going to be a fact. I wish you knew how much pain you put me through. I wish you knew how much i want to be your friend, and also that i don't know why. But most importantly, I wish you knew that i don't want to be with you, ever again. And yet..i still miss everything about you.